This is a legacy post that has been given a facelift for clarity and readability. Opinions are the same; in fact, I laughed as I re-read it because I wouldn’t change a thing aside from adding headers. Enjoy!
Sometimes, I don’t even have to look for ridiculous marketing.
Sometimes, it walks right into my inbox.
Email from Ulta advertising some new, shiny products includes this:
Ulta e-mail ad for COOLA Organic Makeup Setting Spray
Oh, setting spray! Good. Even better, it has SPF. Wait. Organic? Organic setting spray?
Ah, Claire’s. Purveyors of the overpriced cute du jour, loved by many 90s (and today’s, I suppose) girls. Probably loathed by parents who thought their pricing was insane. I got my ears pierced at Claire’s (I don’t recommend this, more on why at another time) around my fifth birthday, and most of my earrings for just over a decade after came from them. As a kid, I was a fan as were many of my friends and peers growing up.
No one who has purchased Claire’s wares will hold any illusions that they sell quality product. It isn’t meant to be quality; it is meant to be cute and satisfy the fleeting whims of children. We obviously aren’t buying Tarte products. Hell, we aren’t even buying NYX – but for the prices Claire’s wants, you might as well go buy NYX and get safer (and higher quality) product.
So while we can’t expect Claire’s to carry high quality, durable products, we ought to be able to expect safe ones – especially since their entire target demographic is children. Evidently, however, we can’t.
Nail polish was my first (beauty) love. Even though my nail polish wardrobe is smaller these days I’m lame, I still feel a rush of completely ridiculous excitement when I spot a majestic shade. (Zoya Dream, can you stop haunting me? Thanks.) OPI makes my longest-loved (still manufactured) shade, I’m Not Really a Waitress. I don’t really wear it year-round anymore, but it is pretty much the only thing on my nails from Thanksgiving through Christmas. It makes guest appearances throughout the year as the mood strikes. It was on one such mission to plan repurchase and admire swatches of this polish that I noticed that OPI swatches are inaccurate, computer-generated garbage.
OPI Swatches aren’t Swatches
Not in that they’re low-quality, shoddy lighting, on ugly nails. No – OPI swatches are flat-out digitally whipped up lies. Not retouched, nay; a fabrication in their entirety.
Earlier this week, I received a digital copy of my ClinCheck treatment review. I’m beyond excited about it, and even though I’m fairly self-conscious about my teeth, I shared it on Instagram. How millennial of me.
Tomorrow, I have an extraction. Tuesday, I get my first Invisalign aligner trays. To celebrate that, let’s take a brief break from my usual, structured content.
Every now and then we all have a thought we want to share for the amusement of others or to get their opinions. I tend to experience them in bursts, but since my husband obviously has no interest in beauty-related-anything, I don’t commonly have an outlet. Sometimes I take to Twitter when it occurs to me, but I’m just not engaging enough on Twitter, ha.
In no particular order…
Ever apply a self-tanner with a color guide or instant bronzing effect and wonder, “Who the hell did they met that this shade would be flattering on, ever?”
Seriously. It wasn’t orange, it wasn’t bronze, it wasn’t brown – it was the least-possibly-flattering mix of all three with just a touch of green thrown in. I am pretty sure humans just don’t come in this color. Prodigious.
I was applying a gradual sunless tanner that also had an instant effect and this occurred to me while I was smearing it unattractively all over my face. My husband looked on in horror. “Don’t worry, it comes off,” I explained. Horror turned to confusion. “…it stimulates melanin production, so what you see now is basically just dye.”
I really enjoy having painted nails. After executing a manicure, I sat there, supplies before me, pouting. Why? Because it was 8:30PM and I just spent 20 minutes and still had about hour to go if I wanted flawless polish. The world is cruel.
You know who didn’t have to wait for painted nails?
I called it a night, finished drafting posts and went to bed with naked nails.
…But like why invest in product development and R&D when you can throw lavish influencer party-vacations with luxury presents that aren’t even affiliated with the brand? Or, remarkably, invest in ways to slightly lower cost (and price to boost popularity WITHOUT sacrificing handsome profit margins)?
A girlfriend of mine with badass hair tried Overtone conditioner to help revive her hair since she got screwed over for her next color appointment. The regular conditioner made her color-treated hair soft and punched a little more life into it after one use. She expects that the Weekly Deep Treatment will do more for her, though.
This first picture is her fresh from the salon…
…and this second one is eight weeks later with Overtone. It’s no secret how difficult it is to maintain red, so these are great results!
My silver-haired girlfriend (yes, she’s still rocking the silver!) will be pleased to know that 1) it works and 2) it is both cruelty-free and vegan.
As for me, I’m shocked and entertained that it isn’t only intended for maintenance. Their photos suggest that you can color with it, check it out:
I’m not up for Exciting Hair at this point in my life (in fact, I have another balayage appointment soon – I’m such an exciting human) but I really enjoy watching the transformations. Out of curiosity, I’m going to look into real-life attempts; I think it would be interesting to see if it can live up to its claims.
Here’s to an undoubtedly lame weekend with gauze in my mouth and the first uncomfortable step to a straighter smile. I will be changing gauze, eating applesauce and mashed potatoes, pouting, taking ibuprofen, folding laundry, and writing this weekend – what are your plans?
Over the past week, I’ve seen entirely too many articles decrying Sephora for selling an eyeshadow named, “Druggie.” I anticipate my opinion on this matter to be fairly unpopular – and while I welcome dissent and discussion in the comments, let’s keep it civil.
Making Light of It
Those upset say that the shade name is insensitive; that it makes light of the losses so many have experienced related to addiction. There’s even a Change.org petition with over a thousand signatures begging Sephora to pull the shade. They even go so far as to suggest alternate names.
Interestingly enough, these articles and people are largely targeting Sephora, like they made the damn shade name. Fun fact, people: Sephora doesn’t own Urban Decay or Urban Decay Druggie eyeshadow or the After Dark palette. Efforts would be better focused there, or at their parent company, L’Oreal.
For a long time there has been panic over chemicals in beauty products.
And for an equal period of time, that panic over chemicals has been annoying AF.
There seems to be a lot of shade being thrown at non-‘natural’ beauty products. Lots of, “I don’t want chemicals in my makeup,” or, “My shampoo is natural and chemical-free,” or, “OMG, my holy grail face wash has chemicals in it, so I have to switch.
No Such Thing
…as a chemical-free product. Period. End of story. Literally everything, including whatever crunchy goop you’re slathering on your face, is composed of chemicals. Everything. The banana-kale smoothie you somehow gulped down at breakfast, your favorite computer, you, me – made of chemicals.
I hope I didn’t blow your mind with that, but if I did…good! Every realization like this helps reduce the blind panic over chemicals.
Ending the Panic over Chemicals
First, consider these five words:
Chemicals are not inherently bad.
…and then these ones:
Just because something is natural does not make it effective let alone good or safe for use in or on our bodies.