2023 Update: I wrote this ten years ago. While I’ve definitely improved my internet composition skills, my snark and thoughts about this product are the same. In the meantime, I’ve given this a facelift (content is the same, just formatting and added headings). Hilariously, this product is still on the market!
If your lotion is called Conceited…
In the first half of this year, I decided to start visiting a tanning salon (I have since stopped for a variety of reasons). Retail lotion prices, however, are not the friendliest at the salon, so I decided to consult the trusty internet for guidance. While shopping, I noticed that many varieties had nonsense all over their labels. If you are unfamiliar with tanning lotions, they often have silly (sometimes punny) names.
I came across an amusing offering in a pink-and-black bottle from tanning line Designer Skin: Conceited. Evidently, it comes in an appetizing, “Candy Crush,” fragrance (hurry along, junkies!). Here’s what it looks like.
Taking a Shot at the Label
Its label states:
“Love you or hate you—no one can deny you’re fierce! So attract the attention you deserve with a dark, look-at-me shade of bronze! Spoil yourself with Designer Skin’s notorious 10X bronzing power wrapped in an illuminating base with an airbrush finish. You’ll look like you just stepped out of a magazine and everyone else will be green with envy. Jealousy is an illness, get well soon!
- QuickSun™ Technology provides bronze color after just one minute, while DS ProBronze Extend™ allows color to still develop after tanning and last days longer
- Photo Ready Airbrush Technology provides a matte finish to help reduce the appearance of skin imperfections
- Illuminating Opal Extracts help to enhance skin radiance for a luminous glow”
What? I can’t say what I expected from a bottle of tanning lotion. Not much, but not this. Let’s have a look at this.
Let’s Pick Apart the Claims
Notorious 10x bronzing power?
Sounds pretty serious! While the the tanning industry’s habit for describing bronzers with multiplication mystifies me, I would like to address their word choice. Now I know what, “notorious,” means, but let’s see what Google has to say.
Okay. I hadn’t heard of this quality until I went to that item’s product listing. Plus, aren’t bronzers supposed to be a good quality in a tanning bed lotion? Shows what I know. Moving on –
That’s a fancy way of saying, “it is shimmery.” They then move on to tout this product as being edgy and high-tech. QuickSun just means the lotion is tinted like a self tanner. It isn’t technology, it is dye. DS ProBronze Extend and Photo Ready Airbrush Technology are just marketing buzz-words.
I would also like to point out that your ridiculous, shimmery illuminating base and Illuminating Opal Extracts contradict your later claim of a Photo Ready Airbrush matte finish.
The Bottom Line
I can guarantee you this lotion does not perform any better or worse than whatever the current market favorite is. On top of that, tan length depends on a ton of factors – your own chemistry, how you treat your post-tan skin, etc.
Obviously, I did not buy it to bother trying it. If you would like to experience the wonder that is QuickSun and DS ProBronze Extend, it is available from Lotions2Go and Amazon.