If your lotion is called Conceited…
In the first half of this year, I decided to start visiting a tanning salon (I have since stopped for a variety of reasons). Retail lotion prices, however, are not the friendliest at the salon; I decided to consult the trusty internet for guidance. While shopping, I noticed that a great deal of the varieties had nonsense all over their labels. If you are unfamiliar with tanning lotions, they often have silly (sometimes punny) names.
I came across an amusing offering in a pink-and-black bottle from tanning line Designer Skin: Conceited. Evidently, it comes in an appetizing, “Candy Crush,” fragrance (hurry along, junkies!); here is what it looks like.
Note: Not my image; found on Google.
Its label states:
“Love you or hate you—no one can deny you’re fierce! So attract the attention you deserve with a dark, look-at-me shade of bronze! Spoil yourself with Designer Skin’s notorious 10X bronzing power wrapped in an illuminating base with an airbrush finish. You’ll look like you just stepped out of a magazine and everyone else will be green with envy. Jealousy is an illness, get well soon!
- QuickSun™ Technology provides bronze color after just one minute, while DS ProBronze Extend™ allows color to still develop after tanning and last days longer
- Photo Ready Airbrush Technology provides a matte finish to help reduce the appearance of skin imperfections
- Illuminating Opal Extracts help to enhance skin radiance for a luminous glow”
What? I can’t say what I expected from a bottle of tanning lotion. Not much, but not this. Let’s have a look at this. Notorious 10x bronzing power? Sounds pretty serious! While the the tanning industry’s habit for describing bronzers with multiplication mystifies me, I would like to address their word choice. Now I know what, “notorious,” means, but let’s see what Google has to say.
Okay. I hadn’t heard of this quality until I went to that item’s product listing. Plus, aren’t bronzers supposed to be a good quality in a tanning bed lotion? Shows what I know. Moving on – illuminating base? That’s a fancy way of saying, “it is shimmery.” They then move on to tout this product as being edgy and high-tech. QuickSun just means the lotion is tinted like a self tanner. It isn’t technology, it is dye. DS ProBronze Extend and Photo Ready Airbrush Technology are just marketing buzz-words. I can guarantee you this lotion does not perform any better or worse than whatever the current market favorite is. On top of that, tan length depends on a ton of factors – your own chemistry, how you treat your post-tan skin, etc. I would also like to point out that your ridiculous, shimmery illuminating base and Illuminating Opal Extracts contradict your later claim of a Photo Ready Airbrush matte finish.